Day 19 of 365; ריק

My excuse for going MIA the last 11 days. A lot has been going on, and posting wasn’t one of my top priorities, to be honest. I wrote this a couple of days ago, on a notebook paper at school, so please consider the emotional part of it.                                                                 Without further ado, I hope you enjoy.

“ריק is my emotional state.

Yet empty is not my soul.

Everybody steps and stomps

with their pointy heels, and 

heavy boots. They try to pull out

the chair next to mine without

realising I’m pleased eating on

my own.

ריק is my life, with no type

of purpose to fulfil it with.

So restless, as the featherless

pillow I rest my head on every night.

ריק is not my mind, for it

is as full as a plate of

chicken and gravy. 

The front porch- visible from

my back window. I can see

the flowers blooming without

growing, and the grass drowning

without water.

But my lips are parched, and

my eyebrows just plucked.

Then I  must mouth to your skin,

mine is just not the only one like

this. ריק again. Not that you

ever weren’t. I’m pointing out

the ריק threads and chords of

our puppet show.”

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Day 8 of 365; Maturity

Just found this in my old hard drive. I was fourteen years old.  “6/25/13 12:28 PM I believe everything changes, and along with those changes…people hang on. People hang on to certain parts of their life that once meant something to them. People hang on to old beliefs, to old friends, to old objects, to old music, to old tastes and to long gone members. When people let go of a part of them, they find a new one to cling on to, and when they want to come back…things are different. Their old pal may be childish and unsure, their old values may not suit they’re new life stile and state of mind, their old objects may not bring back the same sweet memories, their old music may now seem out of style and slow, their old tastes might now proof their small knowledge and the ones who they may want to see, will never be seen again. That’s why people move on. People find new friendships that will teach them new things. Who makes them wonder about destiny. Who may have proved their theory and realized their mind may now seem too sophisticated and mature to whom they once shared their brain with. People keep walking. Some run. Some jog. Some struggle to move. And some stop. Most times, they stop because they see no more than what they wanted on the finish line. Some run, because they’re too desperate to wait. Some jog, because they want it fast, yet they’re not strong enough. Some can barely move, because they don’t have the will or motivation to start. But the wise choice is to walk. When they walk, they take they long way. They never miss out on anything. They keep their eyes on their goal, but take every second to enjoy their journey, so that way, they can never look back; because they don’t need to. They don’t want to. My maturity level has changed. My old mates now look at life like it’s a joke. They make fun of life’s troubles. I used to laugh with them before they left me, or in my case, before I got the opportunity to escape. They don’t take the seriousness in subjects; therefore, I feel they will never get that far in life. My best friend thinks like me, but we are so shockingly different. She’s cold and I’m heat. I’m up and she’s down. We mock people, but beneath our giggles, I know there is always concern.”

Day 6 of 365

Yesterday, January 6th of 2015, I learned about the importance of health.

Your mental health can affect your physical health, and vice versa.

Early in the morning, my mom and I took my sister to a neurologist for a brain test. She explained everything to us, about how all of these different factors affect my sister’s attitude and way of being.
Apparently, her brain sometimes sends the wrong signals, at the wrong times, to her body. This leads to her loosing control over her emotions, and later results on huge depression issues- and even suicidal thoughts.

Apart from that, though, she was diagnosed with epilepsy, thus resulting in other problems far too complex for me to explain.

She took it in well all the new information, and then we all proceeded to buy more medicines for her to add to the list.

After, my mom went to work, and my sister and I took a walk around town. We talked, relaxed, bought some snacks, and that’s it.

When we had returned home, we both began feeling ill a couple of hours later. We both went to bed early, and at midnight I woke up with super high fever, and incredibly strong restlessness. It was awful. My parents nursed me the entire night, and then I finally was able to fall asleep.